How to Steal From, and Lie To, Your Child

If you do, for heaven's sake, don't blog about it.  THAT just exposes your unethical behavior to the world.  Really, you should KEEP QUIET.

But IF you, say, steal a piece of candy from that tempting Halloween bucket of crap, and then don't fess up when asked about it, you might want to read this post.

Let's imagaine the scenario, shall we?

Your child comes home from school and asks to have ONE -- JUST ONE! -- piece of candy.  "As soon as you finish your homework," you say.  You expect a riot, but are surprised when your child obediently does his work and then goes to rifle through the meager remains of his Halloween loot.  He looks up, a bit forlorn, at finding only Jolly Ranchers and stale lollipops left.  "Uh, Mom, did you happen to take that last piece of Hersey's Dark Chocolate?"

"Oh, no, honey, you must have eaten it."

"Oh."

You think you're in the clear.  You're going to get away with it, even though you know that you shouldn't. But rationalizations abound:  your kid doesn't like dark chocolate as much as you; you've saved him from more sugar consumption; dark chocolate is really for adults, not kids.

Then, for reasons unknown to you, your kid goes to use your bathroom.  He emerges with a puzzled look.

"Mom, I think you MUST have eaten the candy, because I found the wrapper in your bathroom trash."

DAMN!

Lesson learned:  if you are going to steal from your child AND lie to the poor dear, at least have the good sense to take the wrapper outside to the garbage can.  Better yet, go stick it in the neighbor's trash can.